This article disputes the idea that it is ok for Christians to be rude. Bad manners are not trivial. Rudeness is hurtful to believers and a poor witness to the world. I am not talking about ordinary believers who are having a bad day. I am talking about emotionally abusive churchgoers who enjoy operating that way. I am addressing the careless, cruel, deliberate rudeness of many Christians, including some members of the clergy, who are humiliating and offending other believers as a form of self-amusement, bullying or self-glorification. Deliberately causing emotional distress to others is wrong.

There is absolutely no place for rudeness in the life of the Christian disciple. We are not Old Testament prophets or Jesus rebuking the Pharisees. We have no absolute spiritual authority. We have no right to take a whip to the Temple courts. We need to move in gentleness and meekness.

1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant (5) or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; (6) it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

The word “rude” in 1 Corinthians 13:5 is asxemoneo (ἀσχημονέω)– or “lacking good form, inappropriate, unseemly, to act unbecomingly, to be rude”. The rude person expresses themselves with utter disregard for others, for the culture, or for good manners.

Jesus described Himself as “meek and lowly of heart” (Matthew 11:29), and the most frequently mentioned emotion of Jesus is considerate compassion (Matthew 9:36, 14:14, 15:32).

A truly spiritual Christian will display the nine fruit of the Spirit which are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22,23). And the heavenly wisdom of God is pure, gentle and peaceable:

James 3:17-18 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. (18) And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

James condemns the way rich church members and the clergy were rudely treating the less fortunate:

James 2:1-4 My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. (2) For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, (3) and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” (4) have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

Many rich, glamorous and famous people are rude to the poor and needy, and even to each other. But, is it “cool” to imitate that which is evil? It is “cool” to imitate bullies, to be sarcastic, to shun others and to put people down? Do not imitate evil, but rather imitate that which is good!

3 John 1:11 Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God. Since rudeness is the precise opposite of agape love, then deliberately rude and unloving pastors, deacons or elders are outside of God’s will! Christian leaders should be holy, considerate servants of God’s people.

1 Peter 5:3 not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.

Being loving kind and considerate is a hallmark of the true Christian: 1 John 4:8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love (see also 1 John 3:16-18).

If someone is inconsiderate, if they don’t care about how other people feel, if they only care about their own self-expression, then they are completely outside of Christianity with its central commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself”.

Romans 13:9-10 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (10) Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.

And we all know the Golden Rule from the Sermon on the Mount:

Matthew 7:12 “So whatever (in all things) you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. If we want others to be kind and polite to us, then, in all things, we should be kind and polite to them!

None of these rude “Christians” want other people to be rude back to them. They want to be rude to others for the fun of it, but if someone was deliberately rude to them they would burst out in rage!

Putting off the Old Nature

The old nature and its lifestyle need to be put off!

Ephesians 4:20-24 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— (21) assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, (22) to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, (23) and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, (24) and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

We are to put away rudeness, uncouthness, cussing, coarse jesting, humiliating others, dominating others, and being emotionally cruel. We are to put on kindness, gentleness, meekness, graciousness, fitting speech, tactfulness, love and wisdom.

Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (30) And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (31) Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (32) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

We don’t just put off the old self we must put off its practices as well, its culture, it habits, and its entire mode of being!

Colossians 3:8-10 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. (9) Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices (10) and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.

The Christian is a new person who is continually being renewed into the image of God, and our lifestyle and manners should demonstrate this! There needs to be repentance for rudeness. A “metanoia”, a complete change of mind and manners! New Christians should be discipled into the new graciousness of the Holy Spirit.

Being Like Jesus

Our mode of being should imitate that of Christ. In the Bible this is referred to as “walking”, it is the habitual tone of one’s existence.

1 John 2:4-6 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, (5) but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: (6) whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

Galatians 5:16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

The only way we can get out of the snare of our ego and into a Christ-like lifestyle is by the power of the Holy Spirit! Prayer, worship, reading the Bible, getting into some good, faithful Bible teaching, fellowship with good Christians, and daily asking to be filled with the Spirit will assist you in your spiritual growth. My brief book The Spiritual Continuum outlines the Spirit-Filled life.

Learning Graciousness

The best way to learn graciousness is by observing very well-mannered Christians in your culture and age group. Admire those who are admirable, watch how they handle social situations, observe how they manage stress and conflict, note how they make everyone feel comfortable and at ease. Then do as they do!

Hebrews 13:7 Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.

Philippians 4:8-9 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (9) What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Even if you grew up in a rude and abusive family, it is up to you to break the cycle! I am not referring to crystal bowls and fish forks and fine etiquette. I am talking about your attitude toward other people.

Some tips:

1. Don’t just blurt things out, pause your response, then filter your words
2. Pray before you speak, pray for a long time before important meetings
3. Let Scripture guide your words
4. Most of the time there is absolutely no need to win the argument
5. Assertively interrupting other people in order to assert dominance is wrong
6. Try not to be dismissive of those you vehemently disagree with, see them as persons
7. Put some time and effort into figuring out the nicest way to say things
8. You are not God’s Sheriff, don’t go around unnecessarily correcting people!
9. Be considerate, put yourself in their shoes
10. Be courteous, do the small things that make people feel noticed
11. Be kind and don’t be mean
12. Don’t attack the self-worth of someone else
13. Correct the problem without destroying the person
14. Rage solves nothing
15. Don’t go on power trips, don’t deliberately ignore people, don’t belittle people
16. Don’t put people down for the sheer fun of it
17. Don’t make people squirm, don’t victimize them, don’t be cruel
18. Choose to make people comfortable, not uncomfortable, meet their small needs
19. Don’t needle others or provoke them, or deliberately get under their skin
20. Be hospitable, relaxed and easy-going, “hail fellow, well met”. Greet people cheerfully.
21. Give people second, third and fourth chances
22. Uproot all resentments and bitterness from you heart, forgive and forget, be Christlike

Conclusion

We are to be polite, not rude. We are to love our enemies, be kind to the ungrateful, be patient with the weak, and to associate with the humble and lowly. We are to put the character of Jesus on display!

Romans 12:16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

Image: Jason Leung

Christians are a new people, a new creation of God, with a new spiritual nature. We are called to a higher calling of agape love and love is not rude! Let us put on love, not haughtiness!

Colossians 3:12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, (13) bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (14) And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

PR 

The ministry included providing food and shelter and transportation to the San Diego International Airport. This group of Ukrainians was comprised of relatives who were leaving by plane for Atlanta, Georgia to be with other relatives, with the exception of one who was preparing to fly later in the day to Seattle, Washington to be with his sister. This refugee was the sole individual among them who spoke English.

I was delighted with the opportunity to pray with the group and share a message of faith and hope and gratitude for God’s intervention in bringing these Ukrainians to America. I also shared in bearing the costs of the humanitarian support with the church. David Okhotin, pastor of the Russian Baptist Church of San Diego, phoned in to assist in translating for Rev. Biadog and me as we ministered to the refugees.

Various refugees shared, through the English-speaking Ukrainian translating, the atrocities they experienced in Kiev, Ukraine. They fled for their lives amidst the bombing, the ruble. Others went without water and food for long periods of time. Some experienced great fear and inner turmoil to leave their homes and country and nearly all of their personal possessions. They were heartbroken, but so grateful to God that they did escape and get to the United States. The church opened its doors to them and is allowing waves of Ukrainian refugees to spend the nights in their sanctuary.

The overwhelming thought I experienced from my encounters with the refugees and this ministry is the lesson of what the Bible teaches about hospitality: welcoming strangers and treating them well with the love of God. Hospitality is a virtue that is both commanded and commended throughout Scripture. The Word of God commands us, saying, “When a foreigner sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. The foreigner who dwells with you shall be to you as one born among you, and you shall love him as yourself for you were foreigners in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God” (Lev. 19:33-34, MEV).

For me, this seemed like a homecoming, because not only have I been to the Ukraine twice and welcomed by Ukrainians to conduct evangelistic crusades, engage in relational evangelism, and engage in interviews about the military chaplaincy, but also because this time I was on the welcoming end of Ukrainians coming to my country.

The kind of book Evangelical Christians need to be reading on navigating Christian-Muslim relations today is the kind of book Matthew Kaemingk has written in Christian Hospitality and Muslim Immigration in an Age of Fear. So then, I am beginning this review with a positive recommendation right up front. Please let me explain why.

Matthew Kaemingk is assistant professor of Christian ethics and associate dean at Fuller Theological Seminary. Kaemingk earned his Master of Divinity from Princeton Theological Seminary and holds doctoral degrees in Systematic Theology from the Vrije Universiteit in Amsterdam and in Christian Ethics from Fuller Theological Seminary. Kaemingk is an ordained minister in the Christian Reformed Church. He presently lives in Houston with his wife Heather and their three sons Calvin, Kees, and Caedmon.

Matthew Kaemingk

Kaemingk’s research and teaching focus is on Islam and political ethics, faith and the workplace, theology and culture, and Reformed public theology. Thus Christian Hospitality and Muslim Immigration in an Age of Fear comes rather directly out of his primary expertise. And it shows. The Foreword by Jamie Smith, quite the heavy hitter himself and a Charismatic Calvinist on top of that, not only testifies to the credibility of Kaemingk’s work and frames it for readers but helps connect it with Evangelical Reformed readers as well as Pentecostal/Charismatic readers.

Matthew Kaemingk faces several pressing questions head-on. How can diverse people live together? How should Western Christians respond to their new Muslim neighbors? Can Islam and Christianity peacefully coexist? Are there limits to religious freedom and tolerance? How much religious diversity can a single nation withstand? He believes the far left’s unqualified concessions and the far right’s reflex aggressions are both mistaken. Yet he does not simply draw a line down the middle between the two. He proposes another option: “Christian hospitality” or, as he (cover aside) more often puts it, “Christian pluralism”. Yet before prematurely dismissing him at this point readers should note that he does not mean by “pluralism” what may be the first thought which comes to many minds (i.e. he is certainly no John Hick). Kaemingk is firmly committed to the exclusivity of Jesus Christ as the one and only Savior and Lord. He is also firmly committed to loving neighbors—even enemies, if so they be—of other faiths.

This chapter is an excerpt from Steven M. Fettke, God’s Empowered People: A Pentecostal Theology of the Laity (Wipf & Stock 2011). Read Part 2 in the Spring 2012 issue of Pneuma Review.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:7–8).

“Community … cannot grow out of loneliness, but comes when the person who begins to recognize his or her belovedness greets the belovedness of the other. The God alive in me greets the God resident in you. When people can cease having to be for us everything, we can accept the fact they may still have a gift for us. They are partial reflections of the great love of God, but reflections nevertheless … We see him or her as a limited expression of an unlimited love.

To live and serve and worship with others thereby brings us to a place where we come together and remind each other by our mutual interdependence that we are not God, that we cannot meet our own needs, and that we cannot completely fulfill each other’s needs. There is something wonderfully humbling and freeing about this. For we find a place where people give one another grace. That we are not God does not mean that we cannot mediate (if in a limited way) the unlimited love of God. Community is the place of joy and celebration where we are willing to say, ‘Yes, we have begun to overcome in Christ.’ Such is the victory of the Cross.

Gratitude springs from an insight, a recognition that something good has come from another person, that it is freely given to me, and meant as a favor. And at the moment this recognition dawns on me, gratitude spontaneously arises in my heart.”¹

An Invitation to Loving Hospitality

So many believers have organized their lives in such a way that the busy activities of modern life have prevented them from fully engaging their faith in ways that involve a faithful community. Often, a “fast food” approach to the faith has meant that believers quickly complete as many “vital” activities as possible during their busy week so that they might fit in all of them. Usually, this means that so many important things—family meals, times for reflection and prayer, meaningful time for building a strong faith community—get shortchanged in the midst of frantic and hectic schedules. If there are to be faith communities constructed around the offer of loving hospitality and acceptance of all people regardless of their social, economic, racial, or mental background, or their status, or abilities, then that effort takes careful and concerted effort. It will require significant amounts of time, time that modern Western believers might not be willing to give.

Hectic schedules have made so many modern believers exhausted and burned out from all they think they have to do just in the normal routines of their lives, not to mention the busy activities often planned by and through their local church. This has often led in turn to ministry burnout. It is also true that creating a loving and hospitable faith community can involve tedious yet necessary tasks: someone has to open the church on Sunday morning and start the air conditioning or heat; someone has to make sure repairs to the church building are made; someone has to deal with the confused and rebellious teens in middle school; someone has to attend to the elderly, the infirm, the troubled. A loving, nurturing community does not spring up to full possibility, maturity, and genuine welcome to all without people engaging in some hard, sometimes tedious, but always essential work. Most would rather leave the hard work to others, and some tasks seem so mundane and useless that one can get discouraged and want to give up.

A young monk once spent months at a monastery helping to weave a tapestry. One day, he rose from his bench in disgust: “I can’t do this any longer,” he exclaimed. “My directions make no sense. I have been working with a bright-yellow thread, and suddenly I’m to knot and cut it short for no reason. What a waste.”

“My son,” said an older monk, “you are not seeing the tapestry correctly. You are sitting at the back, working on only one spot.” He led the younger monk to the front of the tapestry, hanging stretched in the large workroom, and the novice gasped. He had been weaving a beautiful picture—the three kings paying homage to the Christ child—his yellow thread was part of the gleaming halo around the baby’s head. What had seemed wasteful and senseless was actually magnificent.

Creating community, any kind of community, is fraught with pitfalls—human pride, human indifference, “busyness,” work and family overload, and resistance to the completion of the tedious and mundane. Any community-creating has to be intentional, arising from fervent prayer and trust that the Spirit will make possible for diverse people a community of truth, love, and learning despite human selfishness and personal agendas for success or happiness. Thus, any effort on the part of believers to create a loving community of hospitality will have to include a focused intentionality and energy on the part of all.² Otherwise, believers will just meet to be meeting, going through the motions and not really meaning it. Such an atmosphere of indifference and fiction would not be worth the time expended.

Amos Yong, Hospitality & the Other: Pentecost, Christian Practices, and the Neighbor, Faith Meets Faith Series (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2008), xvii + 169, ISBN 9781570757723.

The theology and literature of hospitality is a hot topic. Over the last decade a plethora of theses, dissertations, monographs, books, and articles, whether scholarly or popular, sacred or secular, have filled our bookstores. In light of these innumerable publications, one might wonder why another work on “hospitality,” “neighbors,” and “strangers.” But would-be readers be assured; you will not be disappointed. In Hospitality & the Other, Amos Yong opens the door to a new world of interreligious possibilities. While economists appraise the value of the hospitality industry, Yong locates this motif at the heart of God’s economy. Yong proposes an innovative paradigm for theology of religious encounter, interreligious dialogue, and contemporary missionary practices. He revisits questions surrounding a biblical theology of hospitality and recommends that contemporary practices be transferable to new faith, national, or ethnic contexts.

Yong introduces his work with a moving narrative of three case studies, namely, Christian-Buddhist relations in Sri Lanka, Christian- Islamic tensions in Nigeria, and multi-cultural and interreligious contexts in the United States. Yong provides his readers a look at different social, political, and interreligious contexts as a practical point of departure – substantive examples of positive Christian relationships forged though hospitality, dialogue, and mutuality among people of different faith contexts.

Yong follows this engaging global introduction with thematic analysis well-suited for Pentecostals (to be sure, Yong does not write for Pentecostals only, but his Pentecostal worldview permeates his work). He returns to the first century church to recapture the interrelationship between Christian thought and praxis. He sets early Christian belief not in “the book” as in a catalogue of beliefs, but as encounter with the living Jesus, the paradigm for the Spirit-empowered life of Christian discipleship. Yong suggests that the early community in the Lukan narratives supplies the example for a contemporary “performative theology” (39); the church faithfully improvises the story of Jesus (Luke 1-24) and the disciples (Acts 1-28) through ongoing performance of Acts 29. In other words, contemporary followers of Jesus continue the open-ended gospel story one act at a time. Pentecostals well acquainted with evangelistic passion and experience in different and ever new contexts should resonate with this foundational thesis. In short, Yong enlarges the degree to which evangelistic creativity and pragmatic novelty might be an extension of the canonical script (55).

After reviewing the traditional categories of exclusivism, inclusivism , and pluralism, Yong suggests that these narrow and cautious platforms are no longer useful in a complex world and require more robust and systematic scrutiny. He constructs a platform for the Christian doctrine of hospitality by recommending that followers of Jesus counter interreligious violence, war, and terrorism with the spirit of Pentecost. Yong zeroes in on the Lukan story and envisions a new kind of interreligious encounter where the diverse tongues of Pentecost open up a way to imaginative Christian practices in a pluralistic world. With Pentecost as the foundation for God’s hospitable embrace, Yong returns to the Third Gospel and the Lukan Jesus as the embodiment of God’s hospitality. First, Jesus serves as an exemplary recipient of hospitality. His lowly birth in a manger and final burial in the private tomb of Joseph of Arimathea bracket a life that relies on the goodwill of many. Jesus lives his life as the consummate guest in numerous homes. Second, in ironic fashion, Jesus the “homeless” guest becomes Jesus the host, the agent of God’s redemptive hospitality. Jesus often breaks with convention by entering into suspect homes, failing to wash, and rebuking hosts in order to embrace outsiders, the oppressed and marginalized of the ancient world. In a further twist, accusers generally fail to understand and/or receive Jesus’ acts of hospitality and in so doing reject the hospitality of God. Finally, Yong finds in Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan a principal lesson for interreligious hospitality. Yong establishes Jesus’ teaching relating to Jewish and Samaritan tension as an illustration of mutual encounter of the “other” first century religion. Once again, Yong recommends contemporary application. Twenty-first Christians must imagine fresh possibilities for performative encounters with those of current world religions.

Hans Boersma takes a serious look at the traditional theories of atonement and investigates the role of violence in Christ’s saving work. To speak of violence in the context of God’s work of salvation is both obvious and bold. It is obvious that the violent execution of Jesus stands at the heart of the atonement. At the same time, it is bold to speak of this violence as an attribute of God’s nature. The cross stands at the heart of this tension between God’s hospitality and the violent nature of salvation history. Violence, Hospitality, and the Cross unfolds on the basis of the paradox that all acts of hospitality in creation require some degree of violence. Boersma challenges the reader to carry this language also into an understanding of God.

Originally trained in the Netherlands, the Reformed theologian Hans Boersma now serves as the J. I. Packer Chair of Theology at Regent College. He takes seriously the challenges of Reformed theology in general, and Calvin’s view on election and predestination, in particular. Nonetheless, Calvin is not the starting point for this book but rather a sounding board that allows Boersma to develop more fully his own theology of the atonement in the terms of hospitality.

The book consists of three parts addressing questions of violence in the context of divine hospitality. Part one sets the tone by introducing the possibility of speaking about God’s hospitality in the face of violence. Part two focuses on the place of the cross in the atonement tradition. Part three draws conclusions from the previous discussion for Christian life and the Church as a community of hospitality. A short epilogue suggests the possibility for the end of all violence in the arrival of God’s unconditional, eschatological hospitality.

The book engages an impressive range of theological, biblical and philosophical sources. The starting point for the discussion is formed by questions of divine hospitality. The late modern debate has framed these questions largely in the context of the necessity and possibility of an unconditional and unlimited hospitality. Boersma suggests that all hospitality is embedded in a context of violence and therefore shaped by the conditions of human existence. Nonetheless, he does not view the boundaries and limitations of creation as negative but suggests, instead, that a positive perspective on violence could redefine our understanding of the atonement and, in turn, of the divine hospitality. Central to this attempt is Boersma’s definition of violence as harm or injury.

Boersma argues that God’s hospitality requires a passionate anger toward anything that violates this relationship of love. The Calvinist emphasis on election tends to emphasize the limited character of God’s hospitality and draws the violence against the non-elect into the heart of God, thereby blurring the possibility of an unconditional and unlimited divine hospitality. In contrast, Boersma speaks of God’s “preferential hospitality” that serves a missiological purpose by embracing potentially all nations. On this basis, the book unfolds the implications of the various atonement theories for an understanding of God’s hospitality.