Coping with Criticism Constructively
Leaders need not pay attention to every word of criticism, especially if it comes from isolated individuals or incidents. However, leaders should make special allowances for loved ones that may criticize too freely because of the overly familiar relationship.[7]
Learn to Expect Criticism
Because church leaders are public figures and many people know them well enough to hurt their feelings, they are more vulnerable to attacks from critics than the general public. At the same time, leaders eventually become acquainted with their critics by observing how and what is criticized. Interestingly, people, especially a critic, tend to commend the strengths noticed in themselves and to criticize the faults detected in themselves.[8]
“When you are kicked and criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance,” reminds Dale Carnegie.[9] He then goes on to mention General William Booth, Thomas Jefferson, Admiral Pearcy, and General Grant as outstanding examples of persons who received plenty of unjust criticism because they attempted significant feats. Then he formulates this rule for dealing with criticism, “Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.”[10] After Carnegie cites the fact that even though Jesus’ was perfect two out of His twelve disciples turned on him (i.e., Peter and Judas), he asks if leaders should expect better statistics today?[11]
Differentiate between Destructive And Constructive Criticism
John C. Maxwell suggests three questions leaders should ask themselves to determine whether criticism is meant to be constructive or destructive: “First, in what spirit is it given? … Second, when is the criticism given? … [And] third, why is the criticism given?”[12] In other words, does the critic intend to be helpful or hurtful? Is the criticism leveled in public to humiliate or in private to heal? And is it given to improve the recipient’s efforts or to vent the critic’s emotions?
In the modern world, harsh critics repeatedly voice their unsolicited complaints to leaders via email without identifying themselves. To make matters worse, leaders find email difficult to interpret—there is no handwriting to study, no tone of voice to take into consideration, no body language to observe, and no eye contact to note, etc. These variables, in normal communications, may say more (maybe even the opposite) than the actual content of the verbal or handwritten criticism. In such cases, leaders are well advised to request a face to face meeting with the author.[13]
The old adage that “every criticism contains at least a nugget of truth” is plainly not true. Critics are regularly off base, cruel, thirsty for control, or even vindictive. Unfortunately, some church leaders have almost been driven insane in their search for the smallest minutia of truth in every reproof that comes their way. And thereby leaders lend needless credence to every criticism made against them.[14]
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