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A Thinking Man’s Guide to Remembering the Basics

My attitude is directed by my belief system. And it doesn’t matter if those beliefs are right or wrong – they still greatly influence one’s attitude. Professional counselors look at people’s attitudes when they want to discover the motives behind their interactions with others. In the 1950’s, Albert Ellis[4] developed the Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT). This psychological approach examines people’s thinking from this perspective:

  • Activating Event
  • Beliefs
  • Consequence
  • Reframing (changing the behavior)

 

Years ago, I noticed that life is often like a RAFT…

  • Relationships are affected by our actions
  • Actions are affected by our feelings
  • Feelings are affected by our thinking
  • Our Thinking affects everything

 

  1. What are some of the Unhealthy or Healthy thinking patterns that affect your feelings?

 

 

 

  1. How are these Feelings affecting your actions?

 

 

 

 

  1. Have these Actions affected your Relationships?

 

 

 

A few years ago, I counseled a young couple who were constantly arguing. Their argument was always the same. Dinner wasn’t on the table when he got home from work. This young man grew up in the old Beaver Cleaver world, where mom was a stay-at-home mom and had dinner ready every night right at 5:30 when dad got home. And this young man expected the same. However, he married a young lady who worked full-time and walked in the house only 20 minutes before he did.

What would be your solution for this couple?

Yes, it really does come down to attitude. I worked with this couple and helped them create a schedule. On Sundays they always ate out (money was not an issue). She was responsible to prepare dinner on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. She could cook, bring dinner home, or take him out. In turn, he was responsible for dinner on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

I saw the couple about four years later and they are still using this same plan. They reported no major fights. Did I mention that this is working with two kids?

Remember it is all about the attitude!

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Category: Living the Faith, Winter 2019

About the Author: Rev. Don Allen, Jr., PhD, is President of Grace Church of the Valley School of Ministry. He also so serves as the Chaplain for Summit Behavioral Healthcare (Ohio Department of Mental Health and Addictive Services) and the Regional Director of Logos Global Network (Midwest). Dr. Allen has presented in professional conferences and trained on topics of addiction, grief, and stress, as well as ministering in churches throughout the USA Midwest and Northeast. www.revdonallenjr.com

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